Weekly Working Mama

For those of us that work through a lot of our babies "firsts" please know that the first time they do something and the first time you witness it are incredibly different things.
Babies all progress at their own rate and there are always things that we can't wait to see our little ones do. For me, it's crawling. My son didn't crawl and though there's nothing wrong with skipping that particular milestone, I'm still excited to see my daughter crawl.

The other day I said to my husband, "look she's up on all fours" in excitement because I know that means that she'll be crawling soon and his response, "oh, she's been doing that for a while." Sometimes I wish he'd keep that particular thing to himself, but still, I know it's just as special to me the first time I witness her do something new, even if someone else saw it first.

A good way to go about this is to ask your care provider not to tell you if your LO does something for the first time. It's inevitable that there will be something they do for the first time that you won't see, but if you don't know about it, you're none the wiser. Or, like me, accept that you're not going to see everything for the first time and be happy that they are making these progressions. It's special every time they do it.

Weekly Working Mama #4

So it occurs to me that all the tried and true methods of potty training can become very difficult when you're away from home for a good part of each day. For example, "Keep them in underwear and watch for their clues, when you see one, put them on the potty." Well, that's great except if you can't spend extended periods of time with them, it's hard to do this just at night or on the weekends and as much as we'd all love to believe that our caretakers do everything that we ask of them exactly as we ask, the reality is they often don't for a myriad of reasons. You have to be okay with doing what you can when you have control over it so I suggest setting up a reward system that the caretaker can get in on too. If your child uses the potty every time with no accidents, give them a treat when you get home. If there's only one accident but every other time worked out well, give a smaller treat. Don't punish or ridicule for accidents, just say, "well, you had a few accidents. We can't celebrate tonight, but we can try again tomorrow."

What are some things you have tried?

Weekly Working Mama #3

Choosing Schools for your Little Ones

No matter where you live there are going to be choices to be made as you're getting your little one's to start preparing for school. Some have been in a daycare from birth and have already been introduced to "school" as a learning institution that is outside of the home. Many others have not. Either they've been home with a babysitter, nanny, or Daddy and have, of course, learned things, but will enter the world of "school" for the first time. Either way, where your child begins and his/her educational experience is an extremely important decision with a lot of facts to be weighed. So, as a working mom how do you find the time to gather facts and visit schools without using up all of your vacation/sick days?

One of the first things you can do is keep your eyes and ears open for Open Houses at the school. Many of these events are held on the weekend or in the evening to accomodate working families. If there is no Open House scheduled or you can't make the times, call and ask for a persoanl tour. You will find that most schools are accomodating to those that they may be getting tuition from over the next school year.

Another thing that can help you make your decision is to ask around. In your circle of friends and acquaintances chances are that some have children that are the same age or older. Ask them what experiences they've had and what schools they recommend. Be sure to find out why they favor one school over another as we all have preferences.

One final thing that you can do is visit a classroom while it's in session. There's no proof like what you can see with your own two eyes. If you like what you see in that visit, stick around and ask the teacher about the curriculum. As much as it would be convenient, you cannot trust the internet and other pieces of writing to give you all the information that you need.

Weekly Working Mommy #2

One issue that is greatly touching my heart right now is what to do when it comes time to enter your little one in school for the first time. Many working mommies already have their children in daycare and that helps make the transition to school a smooth one. For those like myself that were lucky enough to have a mother-in-law and mother that worked their schedules around mine in order to babysit, we are facing school for the first time at four years old (preschool). My little one has had some daycare so it won't be completely new, yet going somewhere that does not include his baby sister or his cousins three days a week will, at first, be a bit disconcerting to him.

I am starting with soccer. He is now enrolled to play soccer this spring so this will give him the chance, again, to acclimate himself to being around other children and also how to work in a team setting. The more that you can get your little one out of the house and around others, the easier it will be for him/her to transition into the school setting.

So, what have you done to prepare your little ones?

Weekly Working Mommy #1

This is my first blog post in this series. This will be repeating and is specifically designed for those that work outside of the home. I am part of several "mommy" boards and groups and most of them are designed more for stay at home moms. I would like to make something that is for those of us that work whether it be part or full time, you are working outside or inside the home and your children are in the care of others.

My first topic in this series is one I've heard a lot about from moms that are about to go back to work for the first time. This would be the issue of guilt over leaving your children and returning to the workplace while trusting someone other than yourself to care for your children. There are two things that I wish to respond with.

First of all, it's important that you remember that what you're doing will allow you to financially provide for your family (or at least help). This is incredibly important in the grand scheme of things so don't think of it as time away from your child/children. Rather, see it for what it is, time spent providing for them and their future.

Next and just as important, someone once said to me, "it's not so much the amount of time you spend with your children, more importantly is the quality of time that is being spent." That's not to say that you should spend ten minutes with your kids and the rest of your time on your stuff. What it means is that though those of us that work have less time to spend with our children, what we do with them when we are with them is more important than ever. Those are the things they are going to remember. Making sure that your children feel loved and supporting them in their interests is what we should all be aiming for.

There are many ways in which to raise children and we all have to work within our limitations. There are days that I wish I could be home with my children all the time, but I know that that is not feasible and I have made my peace with it. What are some of the hardest parts for you working away from your children? What are some of the benefits?

Frustrated

So I've been in between "traditional" authors and "self-published" authors all day and it's very interesting to see the amount of negativity toward self publication from the traditionalists.

In my opinion, if I wrote something that I believe is quality enough to be read and received well by the public, I should be able to put it out there. Thanks to companies like Createspace, that day is finally here. Every person should be able to be proud of their craft and if what they put out there is not received well, so be it. That's the chance that every author takes, agented and with a publisher or not. Landing an agent and getting into a publishing house gives you a better chance of being more widely received by the reading public, but it is by no means the ONLY WAY!

I was told, more or less, that it is and that since I've chosen to believe in myself and put my own work out there, my work must be of poor quality. Ha! I've written and edited the work myself. I have labored over this novel and will I have made some mistakes? Possibly, but that is also how I will learn and improve my craft. So I just wanted to get this off of my chest.

Time in the Day

As a mother, a wife, an educator, and now a writer, it seems that there needs to be more time for everything. Organization is the key. I know some people can organize their entire life through the Google calendar and it works. Unfortunately calendars have never done much good for me. I've tried to use them many times and end up writing a few things down, maybe doing them or maybe not, and eventually getting rid of them all together.

We all have a system that works. We're all busy. I have a very detailed mind in which I section off portions of time for particular activities. For example, I know that I'll get up most mornings and exercise, then get ready and go to work, then come home and clean, make dinner, play with kids, spend time with husband, then finally, I'll spend some time working on either my current novel project or the blanket that I've been crocheting for my daughter. I finish most days by opening the novel I'm reading currently and soaking it in until I get sleepy. This is pretty much routine for me but I'm also very flexible. If something happens that throws things out of whack for me, I roll with it.

As I said earlier, we're all busy individuals and we each work in our own way....... what works for you? How do you find enough time in the day for everything you need to get accomplished and what do you do when things don't happen the way you like?

Today's post-Parenting

It made me so sad that I was at work today when my son decided to take something from his little sister today. Let me clarify, he's almost 4 yrs. and she's 7 mos. My mom was there babysitting and she handled it just fine, but I wish I could be there for those moments and be the one to explain to him that his little sister is too little to understand sharing. It's such a little thing, but I really wish I was there to handle this situation. I want to be a stay at home mom.........;-(

Writing

Writing has been such an incredible journey for me. It's interesting how you'll choose favorite characters in your story. Just like people in real life, characters take on personalities, flaws and all. Despite the flaws, there is one character that I've come to value and want to see continue for a while. The tale is not completely told even in my own mind, though book two is well under way. What's surprising is that when this character first entered the story, I thought the storyline would be shortlived. It's turning out that this character has evolved into someone that will continue into book two and possibly susquent writings. Just an interesting fact I'm noticing on my little journey.

Journey

I have recently completed the journey of becoming an author. Eight years ago, on my honeymoon, my husband and I discussed the idea of what all these years later became my book. What took so long?
Life happened. In the intervening years, I completed my Master's degree, had two children, and worked a full time job. That does not leave a lot of time for writing, yet I'm finding the second time around to be a little easier. I have a start on my second novel and a good idea as to where I want to go with it.
Technically, I finished writing the story last year, but then I got pregnant with my second child and all thought for publication was put on hold.
I am now so excited and can't wait to hold my book in my hands. I know that will make it feel real.

Working Mamas

So I tend to get jealous of stay at home moms because I would love to be able to stay at home and spend every waking moment with my kids, but I think there are some real benefits to being a working mama too.

For example, each time I come home at the end of my workday, my three year old sings out, "Mama's home," and my 7mo. old smiles so big it lights up her whole face. Rather than letting that depress me, I think, they appreciate me more when I am home since I can't always be. There is a part of me that wishes I could take my kids to playdates and that my little guy would have more "friends" than just his cousins which would be true if we could attend more daytime stuff, but I realize that the socialization will come. He'll start preschool next year and be in kindergarten the year after and it all just goes so fast.

So don't fret other working mama's, the quality of the time you spend with your kids is way more important than the amount of time.

-ists

I think Ferris Bueller had it right when he said that any -ism is bad and I've applied this theory to -ists too. For example, I'm so tired of hearing about racists, sexists, feminists, and such. Does anybody ever remember hearing the term, "can't we all just get along?"

I get so tired of hearing 'why' things are the way they are. If there weren't differences, if we were all just the same organism lining up and doing everything the same as everyone else because we wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, how boring a society we would be. Yet, we're on our way to just that. People feel the need to complain or feel fear because someone does something differently than someone else, yet why can't they just see the other person's point of view?

I think we'd be a much happier society if we spent a little more time realizing that other people have valid points and opinions. For example, this is near and dear to my heart so I'm pretty opinionated about it, parenting choices. Should we vaccinate on the doctor's schedule? Should we use cloth or disposable diapers? Should everything our baby touches be organic? Should everything the baby ingests be organic? Or when they get a little older, should I send my child to a private school or a public school? Are they learning enough?

We've all gotten very opinionated and refuse to see the opinions of others. A mother may choose to formula feed her baby and shouldn't have to feel shamed for that. Likewise, a breastfeeding mother should be proud that she can and will feed her baby, but not to the detriment of those that cannot or choose not to. A mother that chooses to place her faith in science and doctors and vaccinate on the recommended schedule should be able to do so without being scolded by others that would rather wait. Conversely, a mother that chooses to wait for whatever her reason should not be shunned by society. A mother that chooses a Montessori concept for their ideas of meeting the individual child's educational levels should be able to do so; public school and 'fit into the mold' teaching/learning is not for everyone.

As Ferris Bueller and I have stated, -isms and -ists are bad in all of their forms. They lead to a society of know-it-alls which is good for no one. Instead, we really should try that old thing called trust. Yes, when you choose to trust the good will of people you run the risk of running into someone that's not being honest, but this should not lead to the distrust of all of society.........that is what leads to -isms and -ists.